Archive for August, 2009
A Journal Entry
This is supposed to be one of my journal entries for Theatre Class, but then I thought that I could share this with you.
The first time I entered the class I knew I would be in at least one misunderstanding with any of my classmates. Of course, it’s natural in the workplace. I was prepared to dislike them, and I was prepared to dislike the class. I knew I was going to get a position I never wanted, and I knew it was going to be very difficult. It even came to my mind to just drop the class. The first time I met my committee, I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle them very well since this is my first time to work for a production. The first time I read the script, it didn’t excite me very much. The first time I met the teacher, well, I thought he was a student so I guess it also prepared me to dislike him? 
As time went on, I made mistakes and learned from them. I already made excuses whenever I feel hopeless for a day or two, but I get my strength back again. It’s weird and awesome, you know. Theatre is my strength sucker and at the same time my strength booster. I get ill and tired because of theatre work, but then whenever I go back to do my job, it is also theatre work that keeps me going. Somehow it doesn’t make any sense, but that’s just it. Theatre is much more different to what you expected it to be.
I am trying to love what I am doing, and gradually I am loving it. Of course, there are times when I hate it, especially when the deadlines are near and when I make mistakes that I can’t seem to correct. It makes me lose my sanity, but I am very well blessed with supportive leaders who willingly put me on rehab every once in a while.
And of course, my favourite ones: my committee! I am happy to have them, of course. They do their best, and I see it. They do not keep anything from me. When they hate something about me, they tell it to me directly without any pretension. I was shocked the first time I gained disapproval from them, but then that’s a good thing since it means that they care about the work we are doing and about the whole production. They know what I need as a leader, and I thank God that even after knowing all my weaknesses they still accept me. Well, who wouldn’t be emotional after knowing that? Anyway, our work and play are balanced. After work, we goof around like crazy along with other backstage people. And when I say crazy I really mean crazy. I am so gonna miss that after this semester.
It’s odd. I am writing about this already, but the play has not even staged yet. Well, you learn from the process. It’s in the middle. In the end, I’ll make more realizations, and hopefully, a grade that is not 5.0 or DRP. Heehee.
I know some people from my class are reading this! Hey you, why are you snooping around here, huh? 
Haha just kidding. Feel free.
PS: I saw that my blog has been chosen as a finalist for Candy Magazine’s 2009 Teen Blog Awards! Yay! If you like my blog, please vote for me here! I think you’ll need a Candy Mag account though. It’s easy anyway. Thanks a bunch, lovelies!
Kickwrite#2
Everything in my life these days tasted bitter. The only thing that remains sweet is my Lord who gives me comfort and strength every single day.
Have you ever tried to be appointed as some leader of something you never liked? Have you ever tried to do your best just to care? It’s very hard to love something you’re initially indifferent to. But as time went on, I tried everything I could do in order to desire something that I saw as a junk from the beginning. It feels like I’m pretending to like the taste of a food I never wanted, but I wanted to like it just because a very good friend of mine wants me to like it. There is pressure. But I tried accepting it, respecting the fact that this thing that I have to like is something likable at least. I put it on my mind that if I managed to give this thing a chance, it will be very rewarding.
Of course, you can’t expect me to be successful in an instant. This is something I can’t conquer overnight. I will fall, I will make mistakes, I will go back to where I was from the start. It is a part of trying. I never promised that I can do it, although I kept it in my heart that I must be able to do it. And since everything about this thing is LEARNING, I trusted everyone to be open. I trusted everyone to correct me whenever I am doing something wrong. I trusted everyone to follow the rules that they themselves put up. I trusted everyone because I saw everyone as a friend, teammates, and since I have grown attached to them, I saw them as a part of my family. I mean, I live alone here in the Philippines. Everyone that I love right now, I see them as a part of my family. Now, wouldn’t it hurt if your family members would keep something from you?
I can’t stop myself from being so angry right now. I can’t help but feel destroyed and betrayed. It feels like I am being thrown away. I know I did something wrong, but that something which I did, I do not have an idea. Would it hurt so much if they tell me what’s wrong with me? I do not want to take a step down without even knowing what I did wrong. I don’t want them to just tell me what to do. I am not learning from that. I want to get something from what I am doing right now. I still believe that what I am doing right now is not just plain ball of hard work and stress. This is art and learning and everything in between. That’s why I don’t want to give up on this just like that, you know, without having to learn how well or bad I am doing, and what I can do in order to improve. I sincerely gave this thing a chance in my heart, and it hurts that it would not give me a chance in return.
This is my first time to lead even a small group of people, and this is my first time to do an activity such as this. I am trying my best to do well, but I am not really good at this. I don’t want to say I am sorry, for when I mess up, I mess up. I can’t do anything about it. That guy who said that was extremely right.
The process of writing this was horrible. It feels like I am betraying something, or somebody, when I am just expressing myself. I did not mention anything or anyone, did I? This feels fair enough.
Three
I feel happy.
Omg.
'Sup? My name's Chiui. I am currently living in a huge ass sandcastle known for its 0% crime rate. Also a lover of the scent of crayons. I like making lists. Will never be caught sporting a mohawk. Pasta drives me crazy. I am sometimes unnecessarily mean.