Hiya! It’s been a while.

So these past few days (and until now), I’ve been deprived of internet access. No matter how much I cajole and coerce my father into fetching my dear laptop back for me, he wouldn’t do it. Apparently some people are harassing everyone in our building so as to make us move out of here. Whatever the reason is, I have decided to NOT care anymore. I’ve had enough of these Arab twats. I give up dealing with them. Other people already moved out, and I say mighty thanks to the God who helped us find a good flat. Yes, we just found a flat today (I haven’t seen it, but I’ll keep calling it a flat). Even though it’s smaller, all is cool. I’d rather live in a smaller place with my laptop than live in a more spacious one without it. That’s what I call true love.

Of course I am kidding. About the true love thing, that is.

I’ve been drowning myself in books these days. I’m having a hardcore vacation right now. As usual, I went to see a movie again (Shrek 3). I also bought books. One is Banana Yoshimoto’s Hardboiled and Hard Luck and the other one is Pearl S. Buck’s The Good Earth. I’m currently reading the latter since I’ve finished Banana’s book.

Like I said on Twitter, I have this itch to write about Hardboiled and Hard Luck. They are two novellas on one book.

HARDBOILED

The way Banana wrote this one is really extraordinary. She uses common words and phrases to describe a scene or a feeling, but then as you read these seemingly usual and ordinary things, you would get a vivid sense and understanding of what she is actually talking about. Everything is so heartfelt and moving. Hardboiled has some sort of a Haruki Murakami feel to it, but of course I’d say Murakami’s works are better. Teehee. This story brings back memories of my childhood. This piece’s themes could be the struggles and challenges of moving on, dealing with time, and for me I consider homesexuality as one of the themes.

The udon shop burning as a technique of foreshadowing, using the Chrysanthemum as a symbol for the homosexuality in the story- I find those really amusing and creative. But then the little ghost stories in the story just do not quite work for me.

HARDLUCK

Actually, I do not really find this one striking. I could compare it to a romantic pocketbook of some sort since there was a love story in it, even though it’s not really the main theme. Again, it brings back childhood memories and talks about time. It almost had me tear up, but it just wasn’t powerful enough for me. On some parts, it will make you think. At least it did make me think!

About Sakai resembling Nakai (favorite SMAP member of Kuni), I don’t think it’s a coincidence. I googled this Nakai person, and he looked like he was the Sakai that is being described in the story. Sakai being a master of a Taichi school must say something about his character being a parody of the actual Nakai, the musician.

What I will always remember about this story is how they talked about their belief in the relation of death and music. They said that when there’s one song that suddenly struck you in the most unusual way ever, it will be the song that will be played for you when you die. I think that’s interesting stuff.

Well, that’s what I think. I hope you guys would find time to read Hardboiled at least! Heheh.

Ultimately, though, it’s living people that frighten me the most. - Hardboiled, Banana Yoshimoto

I’m pretty picky with friends. Something just happened, and I hate to think about it, but here I go writing about it. Well, read it if you want.

I like honest friends. You know, someone who’d risk telling you the truth tactfully even though they know that there’s a big chance of me being offended or hating them. They don’t care if you see them as your enemy just because they told you the bitter truth about you. I like them. I’d rather live with friends who tell you the truth than those people who make you feel good because of the lies or pretensions that they say and do. Some would even imitate what you do or say or LIKE because they think that I’ll only like them if we’re the same. What’s the point of being friends with you if we’re completely alike?

If we’re very similar to each other, then I might as well just spend my time alone. Cause there’s no difference. You’re almost me.

Some would just keep quiet about some things, while you gather all the effort and guts that you have in order to tell them your deepest, darkest secrets. It just doesn’t seem so fair. I understand that some things are meant to be kept, but why does it have to be shared to you only at more appropriate situations? Am I a situational friend? Am I only your friend when it comes to this situation or that situation? That doesn’t sound so good at all.

Why don’t you tell me what you think? Do I not deserve your ideas or something? Is it that special? Are YOU that special? Not anymore. How can I make efforts for you when you don’t? What’s the point of us being friends when you just treat me like a regular person? You might as well just step down from your throne as one of my friends and go on live your good life.

You see, this is why I do NOT care at all. This is why people tell me that I have a heart made of stone- because I stop caring. If I continue caring, I end up disappointing myself. I don’t like wasting my time with people who are no different from the normal people of the world. I don’t want to be treated like a stranger either.

This is me. I always say that I don’t want to do anything about me being me. People tell me that this shouldn’t be, and that at times I need to change for other people. Maybe they were right about changing my attitude for other people, but I don’t need to overdo it. There’s the danger of trying to adjust your personality to other people. You won’t know when to stop. Like some of my friends. It just sucks to be like them.

I just stop caring at times. Sorry but this is me and this is the part of me that I don’t really want to change. This is a great personality trait that I have, and this is what I use for moving on.

This actually made me happy that I left you. Go keep living your life. A part of me is left in you, but the rest of me doesn’t want to come back to you.

I’ve bloghopped. I am not amused with the other posts.

I know people fall in love a lot of times. I’m eighteen. I’ve fallen for someone before and got hurt because of reasons like that. I understand how people feel when they’re falling in love and when they’re hurting, so I think I can tell everyone right now…

…to snap out of this stupidity in an instant.

I’m not really saying that writing about your feelings is annoying. I’m saying that you say you’re going to be okay, but those are lies. You post crapload of stuff about moving on when…YOU STILL POST A CRAPLOAD OF STUFF ABOUT MOVING ON! How can you move on when you’re always talking about how to move freakin’ on?! You’ll just keep remembering. It’s like “okay, here goes. I’m trying to forget you by writing about this feeling!!!” Are you waiting for me to serve you an ice cold slap on the fez? Because I can give you one for free as long as you’re doing this.

See, being sad about it is part of the feeling. But if you say you’re gonna forget about him, it’s not enough to forget the past. The feeling needs to be forgotten, too. Writing about it once is enough to cry away the bad feeling, but making more and more writings about it is a different thing. It’s more like keeping the pain, nourishing it, making it grow until it becomes a big monster. You need to understand how writing works. When you fall in love, it’s not like love is all that there is. We, girls, have brains. And we don’t just use it. We use it the right way.

I advise you to distract yourself. Play with yourself (don’t be dirty, pervert). These are the times that people becomes, liek, 30000x creative. Yeah, when I’m hurt or what, my creative juices come out so I take advantage of it. Maybe it’ll work for you, too?

That’s pretty much everything that I’d like to say. Stop the drama. If love left where it was once, there’s no reason for you to stay anymore. Don’t hope for a second chance. If there’s a second chance, it will come chasing you. So please stop this idiocracy. It’s killing me.

And take this from me, just for encouragement: When you’re hurt or what, and then you break down and cry, it’s cool you know. It proves that what you’ve had was sincere. Write it down, have emo days. Listen to songs, whatever. You might even do stupid things, but that’s still cool. BUT don’t overdo it. If it had been months after everything and you’re still in that condition, you’re uncool now. SO UNFREAKINCOOL.

Your heart is a muscle and therefore it’s supposed to be strong. So cut the crap and start partying with me. \:D/